Opposites attracting

From the viewpoint of the personality theory

Well, let me come out of the gates and say that opposite personalities don't work out in almost all cases. I feel that different aspects/layers of 2 people's personalities can be opposite within the range, while the rest are in line, and a relationship could be successful.

For example: 2 people could have everything in common, except that when those two people get into a social setting, one is an extrovert and the other is an introvert. There is usually a dynamic in those types of situations where, probably due to their comfort in the other dynamics/layers/colors of their relationship, where they can actually complement each other.   Because they are in turn comforted and more at ease playing their respective roles, there's no problem.

However, if they were opposite on all stances and all viewpoints, then they would just be at each other's throats. That TV show Darma and Greg (a TV example which exemplifies the "opposites attract" delusion) is somewhat of a facade. Classic example of an extrovert with an introvert. If you think of a "couple" like that, upon investigation it would be discovered that they have more common ground than is implied.

Another layer which I don't even really talk about in the previous post, but I think might shed a bit more light on this, is communication. Not just understanding what the other person has to say, but that if two people were truly opposite then they couldn't communicate on an almost grammatical level.

Say you taught English, you would come across people who's writing flows for you. The sentence structure and phrasing is such that you get what they're saying with perfect clarity; with only as much effort as it takes to move your eyes across the words. On the flip-side, you would also come across people whose writing is torturous to decipher. For whatever reason, the way things are stated and constructed just don't make as much sense most likely because it's not the same way you structure your speech. For me, this is like reading Philosophy. The way they structure their sentences feels completely different than the way I do and as a result, it takes me forever to read it (if I can even trudge through).

Zooming back out.

This grammatical talk is to show that true opposites most likely would not attract if they were more opposite than not, simply because they would have a hard time even communicating who they are to each other. Their likes, interests, dislikes, dreams, and even into every-day speech would be lost in translation.

Now, with allll of that being said my thought is that a couple of layers should be opposite, or at least different, for the sake of interest. These are obviously all generalities so it's hard to be specific without specific examples. But, what if two people had all the same colored layers?  Or, let's say a guy has a lot of layers ranging over a broad spectrum of colors and the girl only has a couple layers total, but they are the exact same shades?  Well, naturally, these two will hit it off and everything will seem to be perfect- a "match made in Heaven". But it would wear off as fast as my laptop battery.

Because the guy would be lacking any stimulation or growth potential from the girl, yet the girl will be enthralled with guy because she's growing by leaps and bounds due to his complexity.

Tree metaphor

Here is a metaphor (visual this time) that I think best explains how I see this. Imagine a pot, like a plant pot, if that's what they're called. Now, I'm going to plant 2 trees in this pot, and the goal is to get the two trees to grow to equal height, intertwine, and become one tree to bear fruit. The soil placed in the pot is analogous to the commonalities between the two "trees".

This soil has to be deep enough to allow the roots to grow so the trees can grow UP, but it can't bee too deep because the trees will only want to grow down. (Might disagree with some botany principles, but bear with me) Assuming that the soil/foundation is the right depth and fertility, the trees will start to grow.

To tie this back in with the original theory I wrote up, the number of colored layers a person has is directly proportional to the amount of branches the tree will grow and the height. If one tree is tall and thick and the other isn't, then it's basically a vine which will wrap around the trunk of the stronger tree to try to climb. This does not achieve our goal. They do become one, but it's a lopsided tree which may or may not bear fruit.

If both trees grow tall but don't have a lot of branches, then they may grow tall together, but their branches won't reach each other and they won't intertwine and bear fruit.

Back to the ideal tree situation: there needs to be diversity within the branches also, because if they are growing exactly the same, like a mirror image, then it won't take long for the branches to start to grow into the other trees' and this could end up hurting both, and they would need their own pot. The colored layers aspect, is simply a focusing on the individual branches, and not the tree as a whole, nor the dirt.  Hopefully this didn't confuse you further...

Back to Colors

People don't just have to be 10% on either side of one of your colors. For a given layer, it may be beneficial to have a completely different view brought in. Like if I were red about something, instead of having green come in completely opposing me, a yellow or purple came in and showed a perspective I hadn't seen before.

I know first hand that people (especially myself) are always trying to force relationships. It is actually a big reason why I've tried to cling tighter to God, because I think the reason we desire these relationships is because we're trying to fill a void within us that only He can fill (at least that's what it felt like to me; for me). I've had to make many conscious efforts to not rush in to dating someone when it didn't feel right because I knew I was going to do that just to not be alone. But that's a different novel for a different time.

I think someone molding their personality to fit what someone else wants is a primary reason for resentment in relationships which ends up being a poison from one tree to the other, if I may continue the tree metaphor. I believe that people can pull off having different colored layers for different situations. For instance, I'm one color when I feel like getting deep and mostly serious, yet earlier on in the night I was a different color when I was out at the bars dancing and laughing and such. I think what I was alluding to in the original script was that there are some whose philosophy is to have one layer- one branch- one "persona", of which they carry throughout all situations. I don't feel that it is fake to have different layers colors, or branches.  It's only fake when someone tries to create a color, usually in the hopes of impressing or relating to someone they wish to be "planted with". This obviously doesn't work for so many reasons that I could use tons of metaphors for, but you get the point.

The Point

A multi-layered and complex person needs another multi-layered and complex person to complement them and make them grow in areas that were previously unacknowledged.   To disagree with them at times, to distinguish individuality, but mostly to agree and allow the exchange of a warm smile; a look between them where they know exactly what is being said without words.  There must be a solid foundation of fertile soil with good communication, to grow a cross-stitch of branches, on a tall and balanced tree, littered with fruit.